Post-Grad Nonsense from your Favorite Alum

by karinaaax03

Dear James,

It as very clever of you to mention the eclectic story before I got around to it, I’m glad you know that I won’t let you live it down.

I would continue to list the wonderful (when I say wonderful I mean mostly aggressive or anxiety-inducing) times we’ve had together, but I don’t want to bore (or scare) our readers (aka, your mom).

So, since I’ve moved to NYC (I say NYC to make myself feel better, we all know I’m living with my dad in not-NYC) my life has been that of a defeated 45 year-old cat lady (minus the furry friends, or any friends, for that matter). I’ve had a lot of time to think and post stupid things on Tumblr, as you so politely mentioned in your most recent post.


Being that I’m an alum now, I’d like to impart some wisdom about the outside world on you. First off, it’s even messier out here than it is in there. The people at Elon really don’t know what’s going on, but the people out here REALLY, REALLY don’t know what’s going on.

On that note, let’s recall the agony we feel when a guy you like doesn’t text you back. Now apply that frustration to the job application process and multiply it by 200%. Some companies don’t ever respond, some companies respond months later, some companies respond once and then stop responding out of the blue. I’ve considered going in to HR in an attempt to single-handledly fix this problem, but obviously I’m not cut out for that. But really, what the hell happened to the business etiquette our lovely school forced me to learn? Apparently, that etiquette, along with a lot of other things I learned during my college career, are useless out here.


Okay, realistically I have a good job in an amazing city and I’m really not doing all that bad. But this shit is ridiculous. On top of this constant struggle, I’m forever being told to find something that I love to do, as if I’m searching LinkedIn in an attempt to find the shittiest job possible. Thank you for the wise words, everyone.

I know you feel my pain with your law school apps/life plan thoughts/ grad school plans. Who are we to know what we want to do? I don’t even know if I want lunch and it’s already 1:30 p.m.

All I know is I wanna be a copy writer/copy editor/social media person/communications person/PR person/horseback rider.

Such specific. Much clear. Wow.

I don’t know if I’m writing this to comfort myself or to comfort you (probably for myself because humans are selfish creatures) but we both need to know that it’s going to be fine. The personal statement will get written, the right company will respond, the right school will send an acceptance letter — all the good stuff will happen.

With that, I’ve decided I want to eat lunch.

Rant over.