Super Complex and Way Over the Top Extremely True Love Story

by Jamie Rice

Dear Karine,

GUESS WHO IS COMING BACK TO FUCKING ELON? IT’S YOU MOM. IT’S YOU MOM.

Sooooooo, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way. I wanted to attempt to try and give you an idea of where I really emotionally through gifs and videos. So let us begin a short visual diary, and then we can get into the juicy secrets of my actual textual diary (OMG SUCH HOT GOSS AHAHAAH… I think you’re already getting a good gist of my manic vibe but still).

baby come over

I’ve got this level of devotion. Do you?

this too

wooooo

All of those things are not necessarily directly correlative to my emotional state, but they are all things that I have been consuming in the past week in an attempt to calm myself the fuck down.

The thing is that I just have this whole new attitude nowadays. Rachel says that I’m kind of like Deadpool but that I’m a little more humble. I know that you have not seen Deadpool (cause duh) and that you have never read a Deadpool comic book (double duh), but I am going to attempt to figure out a way to show you one panel of Deadpool that really just lets you know what it is like:

deadpool

deadpool

There was also a joke in that movie in which he is giving a narration as the camera pulls out, and he goes, “Okay, beautiful, great… and the camera pulls out… hahaah… that’s the only things that’s gonna be pulling out tonight,” and at that moment Rachel looks at me and goes, “You talk like him,” which was a huge compliment. Like so amazing.

But anyway BACK TO MY SUPER TRAGIC AND ROMANTIC BACK STORY… Actually now that I think about it I just kinda wanna Deadpool the shit out of it so I’m gonna try and make it really fun and all that shit. Throw in a few extra explosions and sex scenes you know.

Okay, here I go. Basically, I met this super adorable dude that was a total sexy nerd and we just started having all these cute and super sexy love scenes in our lives, but then shit like hit the fan and all of a sudden I was being out-douched by this fucking douche (LIKE WHAT KIND OF DOUCHE OUT DOUCHES ME. LOOK AT ME. I OWN A STAR WARS SNAP BACK.) So now I’m about to show this douche who wears the actual douchepants in this motherfucking relationship.

But outside of that motherfuckery, I had a really good week. I don’t even know really where to start, but I think that I should give you a bit of a run down of my Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. So Friday I got out of class and then I picked up Ryan and Japser. We went to the bowling alley. Jasper got mad that I was super good at bowling. (Not trying to brag, but I did bowl a 180 – that’s good FYI) Then I took a quick break – to clean my house like I do – and then we all went over to Ryan’s house to pregame our other friend Eliza’s pregame cause fuck it. And I got beyond drunk. And I might have said some weird shit to Ryan about his love life, and I might have black out ate macaroni and cheese in my bed laying completely down. Basically, you already kind of know about this night, but the most important thing to remember is that I woke up in the morning with a man in my bed while I was still fully clothed and I had no Student ID, Driver’s License or Credit Card. I know what you’re gonna say, “HOW DID I BECOME SO AWESOME?” Well, Karine. While some people move on and go have full lives, others, like me, have to stick around and find new fun things to do. So that’s what I’ve done.

Saturday was mostly a day of recovery, but I did hang out with Ben and Ryan, eat at Pandora’s and watch Wanderlust. So I would definitely call it a win on the whole. On Sunday I realized that I was being majoryly disrespected by a dude, so I kind of had a mini freak out, but it’s fine. It’s fine. It’s so fine. I also learned that my new favorite phrase is “it’s fine” being followed very closely by “I’m not even mad”.

I relate to this song very heavily and its use of the phrase “it’s fine” but where this song focuses on a man trying not to cheat, I am focused on trying not to have an emotional freak out about a man who can still call himself a teenager.

HOWEVER, in spite of all of this craziness and emotion and going off the deep end, I think that I am actually doing pretty well. The words “it’s” and “fine” are kind of beginning to lose meaning, but honestly…. It’s fine!

bridesmaids

Love,

James xoxo

P.S. Happy Belated Valentine’s Day to my Number One Girl Forever and Always

P.P.S. It’s going to be awkward if my parents read this.

P.P.P.S. We already watch Game of Thrones. We can get past this too.

Advertisements