The L-Word

by karinaaax03

Dear James,

Friday feels like forever ago. Clearly, I’m not over the concept of time. I know it’s getting old — sorry.

It’s been a weird weekend for sure. It’s sad to know that your father has more friends than you do. Combine that with the lovely information I received on Friday and the succeeding breakdown I had on Saturday and you’ve got one strange weekend for your favorite alum.

On top of that, I cried my eyes out to You’re the Worst on Saturday night. Full disclosure to anyone who reads this post, Jamie and I have been obsessed with  You’re the Worst, which as Hulu describes it, is “ a dark twist on the romantic comedy genre.” Accurate, and relatable, I must say. If you plan on watching this show through season 2, I’d stop reading cause I’m about to spoil the season 2 finale for my point-making purposes. 

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I love them with every inch of me.

As a side note, I never thought I’d be the person to say that I’m, A. Obsessed with a show and B. Spoiling said show for others on the internet. I hope you’re happy with the binge-watching monster you’ve created, Jamie.

Anyway, I spent Saturday night crying alone in my bed. Luckily for me, it was show-induced and not real-life included. The season 2 finale had me in tears. I’m pretty sure I haven’t cried like that over a show/movie since the eulogy scene in The Fault in Our Stars. Here is the exchange that happened at the end of the episode:

Gretchen: You know, after I cleaned the fries off your face and put you to bed, you said something to me that was pretty dark.
Jimmy: Mm. Don’t tell me.
Gretchen: OK, I won’t. [pause] I love you, too.

SHE SAID SHE LOVES HIM. SHE ALSO REFERRED TO HIM SAYING HE LOVES HER AS SOMETHING “PRETTY DARK.” If this show wasn’t made for us James, I don’t know who it was made for.

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Even though I knew she was going to say it back the moment she said “you said something pretty dark,” I began to cry like an infant in need of milk when she confessed her love. There’s just something so real about how he doesn’t want to know what he’s said, and how she just casually tells him as if she’s just handing him the glass of water he’s asked for.

Sweet Jesus Gretchen, breaking my damn heart.

On a normal day, I probably wouldn’t have actually cried over this scene, but Saturday was a special day and I was wound up like a pretzel. I’d been thinking about the concept of love all day and much like the rest of the episodes of You’re the Worst, this one came at a fascinatingly relatable time.

The most interesting thing to me is my fucked up idea that you have to “admit” you love someone, as if it’s some wrongdoing you have to confess so you can go on living happily without the weight of the world on your shoulders. Despite the fact that I do truly feel that it’s a confession, I know it’s not a negative confession. I know that when you finally admit to someone that you love them — or if nothing else, that you think you love them — it’s like everything you’ve never had the guts to say coming out all at once, and it feels amazing.

But everything that comes before that moment, and sometimes everything that comes after, is just a big mess of overflowing emotion and anxiety.

I’m not quite sure why I cried so intensely when Gretchen said that she loves Jimmy, but I think it has a lot to do my Saturday mentality and the fact that I just can’t quite comprehend how love is the one thing humans just can’t explain. We have so many ways to tell someone we’re upset with them, sad or happy. But there’s really only one word for that feeling when you just can’t get enough of every inch of someone, and it’s love.

The crazy part is, it’s such a supercharged word. I mean, I can’t remember the first time I said “love you” to you before leaving our dorm, but I’m sure you were a bit taken aback by it. It’s fascinating to me that we place so much anxiety-ridden emotion on a feeling that truly, at its core, carries so much happiness.

My preacher side is showing — sorry, I’m a little drunk.

Love you, mean it.

xoxo,

The Basic One

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