Have You Ever Been Told You’re too Blunt? (All the time.)

by Jamie Rice

Dear Karine,

I wouldn’t say that this weekend has been a shit show, but it has been an unexpected and winding journey where I was always in a place that I never thought I would be. For example, I got hit on by a British douchebag at a baseball party (THERE ARE STILL NEW THINGS TO LEARN AND DISCOVER AT PARTIES. ISN’T THAT FUN?), and I hit a record two bloody marys at brunch on Saturday (One up from my previous record of one)!

gymnastics olympics

I nailed my weekend about as well as this girl did. I didn’t fall off, but it wasn’t exactly beautful. (OMG OLYMPICS ARE COMING THIS SUMMER AH)

However, if we go back to Friday, I began the weekend by spending $120 more than I should have at Southpoint, which I had not visited in a record one week. Then I came home and dyed my hair in 35 mins flat, while bleaching my moustache–you are beginning to notice that I am an olympian in more than one sense. Then I had like 20 people over and we got drunk and ate pasta and talked about how much we loved feminism. It was amazing.

Then I attempted to find someone to go out with but failed, so instead I skyped with you and Autumn (duh) before I played The Sims (double duh) and finished my night by watching all of the John Mulaney comedy specials available on Netflix back to back (Triple dog dare duh).

john mulaney heroine

You would love this guy. He does an entire bit about Law & Order: SVU, and it is fantastic!

THEN (I feel like this blog post is beginning to get boring, but I don’t care!) I woke up at 10:30, and I went to motherfucking brunch at West End with Mags (who talks about how much she misses you all of the time, so in some ways she reminds me of you more than anyone else).

bloody marys

A rarily seen image of me in the wild.

After that I went to an active bystander training session, which was actually really fun and informative. I may be basically the president of the Feminist Club (Or Madame Feminist President as I like to refer to myself), but I usually hate those kind of seminars because they can feel kind of annoying and condescending. Like they always force you to do these dumb activities where you have to use silly pnumanics or something, but this was awesome. There were some really cool people there, and they all contributed some very important and interesting ideas.

And then I did the best thing I have done in like a month (I would say months, but I saw a lot of good films at Sundance, so I can’t say that). I saw Zootopia. I know you have heard the good news about animated Disney films, so I don’t have to explain why it is worth seeing, but holy fuck is it worth seeing. Watch this trailer about it too! Like I know you already want to see it, but this trailer is dope. So just appreciate it on that level for me:

And then I ended up at that Baseball party with Stef and some other randos, and I was attempting to protect her from crazy men when this British guy came up to me and was like “I see you over here skulking all alone,” and I was like, “I’m with her.” To which he responded, “Nah, he’s with my buddy,” and then I knew I was in for it. He began to try and “set me up” with a guy, which I obviously didn’t want, and then he goes, “What’s the matter with you? Got a boyfriend?” To which I responded:

greg evil laugh

Followed by: No

From there on the conversation pretty much devolved into this guy implying that something was wrong with me, and I was literally like this close to slapping him the fuck down (verbally and physically since he was about my height), but the tension was eventually defused by Stef’s friend, and we all made it out of there with some shred of dignity.

Other than that, Sunday was fairly uneventful. I spent most of it either working or bingeing on Cookout (wish you could have gone with me!) or procrastinating.

While this might sound like a great and eventful weekend, I have to say that it is going to be nothing compared to when I get to come up to see you in a couple of weeks and officially move myself back into your butthole.

a very potter musical cedric

Me coming for you.

Love you to the moon and back,

James xoxoxo


Here’s a little bonus gif for my one true love:

dylan o'brien

Definition of Bae

P.S. Thank goodness you finally finished You’re the Worst, so I can talk to you about it all the time without spoiling that baller season two finale.