BACK ON TRACK (The Hope Song)
by Jamie Rice
BACK ON SCHEDULE BABY! Woohoooooooooo. Anddddd I don’t know what to write about.
In order to discover the moral of this story, I guess I’ll just have to tell you the story of my week and hope that I stumble upon it.
I just discovered this video making fun of Titanic, and I think you would totally love it. Side note…
ANYWAY, back to my week (which I had to stop writing in order to buy bloody mary mix. That’s called be an adult, my friend.) It began with a flight, which was pretty fucking boring. I ate at that amazing BBQ place in the Dallas airport, which is about all that I can remember from that day (shows how much I love food and hate the airport).
On Tuesday, I went to my Multimedia class, which was in the Makerhub. I’m a 100% certain you don’t know what that is, but it’s in one of the Colonnades buildings. Max’s to be specific, which was a funny blast from the past. One of the girls in my class was like, “Where is the bathroom?” and I immediately knew and went, “I used to come here a lot,” because I’m an ass. Anyway, that place was super cool, and we learned how to use the 3D printers and all that! I relaxed for the rest of the day, and I went to actual real protest in Chapel Hill that night with Rachel, Maddy, and Taylor. It was super amazing, but it went on for about 4 hours or so (we only stayed for an hour and a half like the privileged assholes that we are.) It made me want to do the same thing at Elon, but it was immediately clear that we could never get that much support. However, you gotta have goals.
Wednesday was a challenge. I started off the day like a motherfucking boss by sleeping through my first meeting. However, I did manage to get a lot of work done. Reading, interviews, editing, and other stuff too. On Thursday, I went to another class (as you see, I go to class a lot because I’m in college), then I edited before heading over to convocation. This year it was Walter Isaacson, the guy who wrote that extremely famous Steve Jobs biography, and he proved to me that Steve Jobs was a 100 percent a psychopath, which I will in turn prove to you by telling you two of his most terrifying anecdotes about him. 1) He told us that whenever someone told Steve that something he requested of them was impossible he would look at the without staring and just keep repeating the phrase, “Don’t be afraid. You can do it.” Apparently, he learned this technique from a guru. All I have to say is that I would not have been surprised if the story ended with, “He said that, and then he shanked him in the neck.” It wouldn’t be shocking at all.
1) He told us that whenever someone told Steve that something he requested of them was impossible he would look at the without staring and just keep repeating the phrase, “Don’t be afraid. You can do it.” Apparently, he learned this technique from a guru. All I have to say is that I would not have been surprised if the story ended with, “He said that, and then he shanked him in the neck.” It wouldn’t be shocking at all. It would be expected because that’s fucking terrifying.
2) Walter also told us a story about when he asked Steve about his belief in God and an afterlife. Steve said that he hoped that it existed, but sometimes he was afraid that it was just like an on and off switch. That’s an extremely poignant and interesting thing to say. Especially when you know that you’re going to die very soon. However, Steve ruined that poignancy by following it up with, “Maybe that’s why I never put an on/off switch on my devices.” STEVE STOP WORRYING ABOUT YOUR WORK ALL THE TIME. BE A HUMAN BEING. FOR ONCE.
After that we finally got to present the big feminist event we had all been waiting for, I Love Female Orgasm. It was a rousing success. There were these football men in the front of the show who all bought t-shirts, which they immediately put on, and although they did seem a little rowdy I was 100% certain that they learned a lot… like a lot a lot.
Finishing this event sadly did not stop me from having another stress dream, but it did mean that my work week was officially over! This morning I slept in until fucking 10! It was beautiful. Then I just cleaned my life up, (literally and a little bit figuratively) and went with Rachel her adorable younger sister, Rhetta, to Southpoint. We shopped, bought books, and had a lovely dinner at Maggiano’s. Truly a lovely day indeed.
Now that I have related to you all of the mundane events of my week, I think that I am finally starting to get the moral of the story. I don’t think you’ve watched Clueless, but there is a moment at the end of the film where the main character, Cher, realizes everything that was wrong in an epiphany kind of way. I seem to be having one of those moments.
I have been numb all week. I haven’t really felt anything. (I’ve even been avoiding figuring it out right now by writing a 1000 words about my week without ever actually admitting how I felt about said week). I think I actually begn to realize it when you sent me that really objectively cute wedding video on Wednesday, and I could tell that it should be killing me, but instead it just meant nothing. The same thing actually happened at convocation. This man received an honorary doctorate, and in his speech he began to choke up while he was thanking his wife. Rachel was crying. My friend, Eric, was crying. And I literally went, “OMG he’s crying,” like I was shocked when it happened. #totaldickmove
This is not good, Karina, and I will tell you why. For a large portion of my life, I have numbed myself. I have used my natural extroversion as an excuse to never think about how I’m feeling or what I really want. I soldier on. I do what I should do, and I don’t question it too much. (God forbid I have doubts) However, that is not who I want to be. I don’t want to be afraid of feeling. As they said on You’re the Worst, sometimes, the punk rock choice is to try. The punk rock choice is to feel. That’s why I tell you I love you all the time, or send those texts to men I like that are just super honest about my feelings. Because life is way too short to hold things in. So, I am making a vow to be more self-concious (in the good way).
I WANT TO FEEL, UNIVERSE. THE GOOD AND THE BAD. I did that over winter term, and I had an amazing time with a lot of emotional turmoil thrown in there. If you want the great, sometimes you have to risk a little bit of the bad. And I have to say… it’s always worth it. I’m not saying it is better to have love and lost. I actually think people misunderstand the phrase. They think people should do it for the love, but the real reason you should do it is because you’re giving yourself a chance. You’re telling yourself, and the world, that you think you deserve love. I think I deserve it. So I’m going to be open to it. I embrace feeling. MUCH EMBRACE. SUCH WOW.
P.S. I’m going to end with one of my favorite quotes from Doctor Who ever: “When you’re a kid, they tell you it’s all… grow up. Get a job. Get married. Get a house. Have a kid, and that’s it. But the truth is, the world is so much stranger than that. It’s so much darker. And so much madder. And so much better.”