Another Day, Another Glass of Alcohol

by Jamie Rice

Dear Karine,

alcohol

alcohol = good

Now, that we’ve gotten that out of the way. Time for a life update!

Today included me making a weird-ass joke about hair extensions, snapping at people (literally I snapped my fingers at them for fun) and pointing at them while doing the finger guns (like a true and total asshole), and drinking wine for the first time in 2016. (Rachel has also reminded me to inform you that today I impersonated a monkey, sloth, and pterodactyl.)

So I’m basically coming out on top.

A really weird thing happened to me in class today though with the father of my child (who is thankfully not the father of my actual non-existent child). We had to do a group project, and we were like insanely productive. Making jokes, observations, and examples fly out, and all of a sudden I was like: we should have just been friends. Like I honestly don’t know what we were thinking with the sex and romance. It was very nice, and I cherish those moments, but I really feel like friendship is what we were built for. Odd revelation but a revelation I had nonetheless. I mean should anyone fuck based on a mutual love for the television shows Pushing Daisies and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (I think we’re evidence for the no camp).

crazy ex girlfriend

this gif is also a good indication of that

In addition to that, I got to tell you about this super hot guy that just walked past me in The Oak House as I write this blog post. Holy shit, Karina, he is perfect. He was in my lit class last semester too, and I think that he just gets more and more beautiful with each passing day. I looked up and saw him walk past the window, and I waved at him, and he literally gave me a crooked half smile accompanied by a low wave (*dies and goes to a very sexy heaven*). Pray for me with that kid because I always text Rachel during class informing her that I would much prefer to be having sex with him to any other activity in life.

In other news, I think that I have finally decided to be okay with just going home and doing nothing for two months this summer for two very specific reasons:

I Need to Stop Running Away from my Parents

I have to say that even though I may have gotten really fucking bored over spring break, I also learned that I need to stop running away from two extremely great parents. Sure, they have flaws (they are apparently human beings), but they are also amazing. I think this could be a part of being an only child (so I might have to do a little translating), but, frankly, my parents have always been extremly inside of my asshole. There were no other distractions, and I think that the fact that I turned out so great (law school and all that) is a testament to this attention.

BUT at the same time, I am constantly annoyed that they want to know everything about me, and I always blame them for that. In reality, it is my fault for overreacting and wanting to keep them out of my life. I should and do want them in my life, and I should stop running away or feeling stuck in Tulsa. I should choose Tulsa for once. So I’m gonna choose it for the summer and see how it goes.

I Need a Goddamn Fucking Break

pikachu

PIKA-YES

I am about to commit to 3 (and 4 if I do an MFA in TV/Film Production) years of fucking schooling. I am going to be burnt out. I need to break. It’s non-negotiable. End of story. Bye bye.

I think I’m gonna stop now because I just want to.

phoebe

But I love you, and I can’t wait to see you babe! WE MUST TAKE MORE PICS OR WE SHOULD HAVE A PUNISHMENT!

love love love,

James

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