A Little Fear Goes a Long Way

by karinaaax03

Dear James,

What a fucking week I have had. As you know, it’s been nuts. Decisions are imminent, and even that is an understatement. At this rate, I will know what my path will be (well, at least what my geographical location will be) by Tuesday. BIG MOVES BABY!

My moves

I’m going to be completely honest with you, I’m a little bit drunk. When I say a little bit, I mean I finished an entire bottle of wine — minus one glass that I drank last night — which for me is 3 glasses but for the normal person is like…more than that.

In my natural drunk blogger fashion, I’m going to attempt to delve into a philosophical topic. I guess technically, it isn’t that philosophical, but maybe my perception of  what’s “deep” and what isn’t is a bit off right now.

As I was driving back to my dad’s house from my mom’s (it is currently hitting me that I’m now the type of child that has a mom’s house and dad’s house) I was thinking about the concept of fear. As much as I hate to admit it, I think being scared plays a HUGE role in human life. I think, though we hate to admit it, being scared has a huge impact on the way we think and act. As I was driving down the Hutch, I realized that fucking sucks.

I mean, you know the role that fear has played in my life recently, beyond my conversations with a certain someone, my inability to decide on a location/career choice has basically been based in fear. Fear that I’ll do something wrong, fear that I’ll be unhappy, fear that life won’t work out the way I want it to. And the more I think about it, the more I realize how stupid and absurd that is.

Why, in any non-violent situation, should we make decisions based on fear? I mean, obviously it’s tough to avoid that feeling of impending doom altogether but I really believe that acting out of fear is synonymous with acting out of stupidity. There is so much more to life than failing.

If nothing more, I want to make decisions based on reason, happiness, and potential. I want to move forward in bravery and conscious effort. I don’t want to be held back by fear of things not going as planned.

To put it simply, that’s fucking stupid.

So as I sit here, half drunk and currently pondering if a single sentence I typed makes any damn sense, I want to make a conscious effort to not make decisions out of fear. We should do things because we want to do them. We are young and awesome have no reason to be scared. We should feel to the fullest and decide based on our dreams and not be scared of fucking up because there is no fucking up when you’re 21 years old.

On that note, I have to go back to work tomorrow. Dream big, I know.

All my loving,

The Basic One