I’m on a Roller Coaster that Only Goes Up

by karinaaax03

Dear James,

What a roller coaster I’ve experienced since the last time I updated you. Even though we talked yesterday, I feel like it’s been ages since we spoke. Clearly I’m still not over the concept of time. Maybe I’m a slow learned after all..

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To officially update you (via this blog) about my life, I signed a new job offer. I know, hold the applause on me actually making a real life decision though because life technically made this one for me. Long story short, a pro-con chat becomes pretty easy when one half doesn’t hire you — huge con. So I’ll be staying in the Big Apple and attempting to establish a life here. Wish me luck.

In July, I’m going to move in with one of my high school friends, Britt, and officially embark on a journey most 20-somethings are actively working to obtain.

To be honest, I was definitely leaning toward city life in my decision-making, but I was trying to make my other option valid in the eyes of logistics and my family/friends. I guess I was right when I said once I left NC I wouldn’t be moving back anytime soon. Maybe I am a psychic after all.

When I first got my eloquent rejection email (technology man, instant rejection), I was pretty bummed.Not particularly because of the lost job opportunity, but because the decision I had been working so hard to make was suddenly taken away from me and made completely by default. Call me crazy, but I wanted to dance around in the pride of having made my own decision. I wasn’t going to tell people about this rejection — cause pride — but I guess not it’s on the Internet so all bets are off. I still probably won’t tell anyone outside of the people I’ve already told, which I suppose now includes you and anyone with access to the internet.

Oh well.

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Do you see a trend?

Since my “decision” I’ve had basically every feeling I can think of, but have begun to settle into excitement thanks to the supportive humans in my life, sheer logic, and apartment hunting on Zillow. I’m gonna live in NYC!

On that note, I feel SO old. Signing offers, doing paperwork, looking over my budget and such.When I think too much about it, a weirdly excited panic sets in. Excited because I’m moving in the direction of my #lifegoals, but panic because I’m only 21 and SO young to be doing all of this big kid stuff.

I’m so lucky — so I’ve been trying to focus a lot on being grateful. When I was down in North Carolina, you know who (Lord grant me the strength so come up with an intelligent nickname) and I were talking about how, in the moment, it can be tough to look around and realize how good it’s all going, but that it’s so important to do that and contributes volumes to overall happiness. Even though this conversation wasn’t about me, it hit me really hard. I always believed that gratitude was the secret to happiness, but at this point in my life that reminder from someone who doesn’t live in my head was much needed.

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All in all, I’ve been pretty positive the past few days, and as Augustus would say, I’m on a roller coast that only goes up, my friend.

All the best,

The Basic One

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