Notes on Dating Insecure Boys
by Jamie Rice
Well, it’s Friday, and I am determined to get this blog not only in on time but also in way before time. SOOOOOO, get pumped for some quality blogging here.
As you can tell from my title, I have decided to go in on a little bit of my romantic history and some of the trends that I have noted in the men I have dated. It is no secret to anyone who has met me that I am a more dominant than submissive personality (not necessarily sexually but we can talk about that more on another day in another blog post). This means that there are two types of people I can date personality wise (in the most basic senses): submissive people or holy-shit-you-are-a-confident-douchebag dominants.
My most recent romantic catastrophe (Side note: Get it! Our favorite show! Have you finished this season btw?) was definitely in the submissive category. He was so in it that this interaction actually happened:
YG: *scoots close to me*
YG: *continues scooting close to me*
YG: *puts hand on knee*
YG: *puts face in my face*
Me: “What you doing, YG?”
Me: “Do you want to kiss me?”
YG: *clearly wants to kiss me* “No.”
And that was odd for me. Of course, I turned it into some kind of game in which I would just keep boring him to death with pointless information until he would finally take the initiative and kiss me (Rachel’s favorite story about this was that I told him all of the finer parts of the show Fixer Upper before he famously cut me off with a kiss during the sentence, “The thing about Chip is….”) However, as I said before, this is not a blog post about what it means to be dominant or submissive in a relationship. No, this is a blog post about insecurity.
I realized last night that I have always been with the kind of men who crave and need constant validation. And the thing is, I like them, so, of course, I will validate them. I will tell them that they’re pretty and hot because if I want to fuck them, then I obviously think that they possess those traits. However, while this can be fun for the first few weeks or so, I have noticed that eventually the insecurity always creeps back in. The doubts they had have not been fixed by me telling them they’re hot af (shocking, right?). And after years of romantic failures, I think I have some idea as to why this trait is so plentiful in the men I have been involved with.
Men have no model of how to deal with insecurity. Think about it. Remember those annoying ass fucking Dove commercials about how women all secretly think that they’re ugly and will do anything to feel like they’re better (EVEN THO OF COURSE THEY NEED NOTHING BECAUSE THEY WERE BEAUTIFUL TO BEGIN WITH BLEGH). Well, that is a very common narrative for the female population, and even if it might make me crazy sometimes, it has also told me that it is natural to have doubts about your physical appearance. Everyone (every woman at least) does. However, men do not have this same model. It is not an accepted part of our society that men will doubt their beauty. It is rather the opposite. People look at the fact that men of all shapes and sizes have been leads in movies and go, “Duh, men are confident as fuck,” and they just leave it at.
That’s fucked up. There is no possibility for insecurity there. No, none at all. Instead, men are just perfect all the time cause they’re valid. Well, I will tell you this society. Every man I have ever been with has proven your male self-esteem belief to be a huge fucking myth. It is a myth to such a degree that last night this man I was fucking with for a hot sec via the internet (long story for another post) told me that he seriously doubts that he is beautiful. And I said, “Hey, we all have insecurities,” and he responded, “Oh, no. I’m not insecure.” Dude, he literally couldn’t even admit that he had an insecurity right after admitting his own insecurity to me. That’s ridicu-fucking-lus.
I don’t necessarily have any action steps to fix this problem (4 years of feminist clubbing and I feel like I barely even convinced people that feminists are cool like Taylor Swift… ugh le sigh), but I think it is something I will be aware of from now on. Because, as we all know, deep down, men are just big emotionally insecure noobs.
Love love love,
P.S. I finally wrote a long post again! Yay!