How to Laugh-Cry: A Memoir

by karinaaax03

Dear James

I’m gonna go ahead and just confess, but now that I’ve typed the word confess I realize I have more than one thing to confess so I’m going to go ahead and make a list cause I’m basic like that.

1. I’ve been drinking champagne.
I don’t usually drink champagne, so this is basically one of the most exiting things that has happened to me in a while. Honestly, there hasn’t exactly been a whole lot of exciting changes in my life (besides my constant anxiety and nearing psychotic break) so this is a pretty big development.

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A reimagining of me as a disgruntled blond drinking champagne instead of the disgruntled brunette that I am. 

2. I’m a big baby.
You knew this already, but I figure I’d just confess again to make sure you knew that I knew. I’m a giant baby because as usual I’d rather keep things to myself than rock the boat. Throwback to the blog I wrote a month or two ago saying that I’d rock the boat. My life is a tragic comedy.

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So, I don’t have much else to confess, except that my life these days is one giant communication breakdown. I know it’s the busy season in life (I guess, maybe I’m just telling myself that to make myself feel better) but like – holy fuck.

I honestly feel as though everyone in my life has been affected by some magical spell that halts all communication skills (or maybe I’m just watching too much Sabrina the Teenage Witch). I will give you an example.

Today, as you know, is Mothers Day. So I (we?) have been trying to make a nice plan for my over sensitive mother, but of course my sisters slept in until 11, so when I showed up at 10:30 despite the lack of communication (having wrapped the gift, bought a card, and bought a balloon) my sisters were still asleep and the Ice Queen was clearly disgruntled. I think my balloon cheered her up.

Basically, my mother ended up telling one of my sisters to leave because she was complaining that she had to study for her finals even though she spent the previous night with her boyfriend. The drama.

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Aside from today’s lack of communication, I just feel like this is a general theme in my life the past week or so. As much as I’d like to praise myself for being the beacon of communication in this shithole of a life, I’ve kept quite a bit inside. In my defense, I did have a total breakdown the other day and was literally screaming at the dinner table. I think my dads girlfriend is beginning to fear me…bad news for the woman who makes your dinner daily.

I literally feel like banging my head against the wall because at this point, that seems like the only option left to attempt to clear up this epic breakdown in my excessively thick skull. I wonder, if everyone around you seems to have the same problem, is it really just you with the problem?

All I really have to say is, fuck my life.

Anyways, wish me luck in this insane life I am leading, I’m keeping my head up (or at least trying to)

xoxo,

The Basic One

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