Girl, You Bad
by Jamie Rice
Girl, you so bad. You need to be punished, and I have just the thing…
There you go. Consider yourself punished. You fucking disgust me.
Anyway, I got insanely wasted on the first night of my visit with my boss per usual. It’s good to know that I will probably never truly change. Occasionally, I worry that I am going to get liver cancer from all of this heavy drinking, but that’s a future problem, and I live in the fucking moment.
I’m getting excited to go to Philadelphia Con, and it seems like it’s going to be a fairly low-key con in terms of work since there aren’t a lot of famous creators there. However, I’ll tell you the names of some people who will be there!
So maybe I’ll get to cream my jeans over some hot men, yeah? Pray that I get to do that Karine. Pray for me.
Oh do you wanna hear a great story about last night?
I assume you said yes. So there is this kid that I work with named Matt, and for one drunk second, I kinda wanted to get with him (Thank you, alcohol). So I like started laying the groundwork, and then the moment of truth came and he was staring awkardly at me and I like didn’t know what to do. So I just like looked at him and went “You really need to figure out that issue you were having with your friend we were talking about earlier,” and I just walked away. Thankfully, I don’t think anyone remembers that though because when we all woke up this morning he was like, “The only thing I remember from last night is that I got in a fight with a Japanese man.” (By the way, that is a 100% true, and when they started fighting I heard Matt scream at this man, “IS IT CAUSE I’M WHITE?” Truly beautiful)
Basically, don’t worry about me. I’m still the captain of the struggle bus. Would you like a ride, mi lady?