I’m Sane, I Promise

by karinaaax03

Dear James,

So I haven’t written a blog for you in what seems like ages, and I have no excuse. Well, other than getting a new job and moving into a new apartment, but I assume you won’t accept that.

I figure this is appropriate based on the location of my new home.

I’d like to say that nothing much has changed since the last time I typed up a post, but that’d be a lie (obviously, since I literally just mentioned a new job/apartment). Outside of the obvious, there’s also been some other nutty things happening both in my life and in my head, many of which you know of already.

To comment on my mental state, which seems to be how I go about writing my posts, it’s been slightly above average up until a few days ago. Blame it on PMS, on the stress of moving, or simply on a decaying mental state, but every time I look at a calendar or simply think of how little time is left (In what? Don’t ask me, ask my psyche), I break out in a nervous panic.

This is certainly not the first time in my life that the mere thought of a calendar has sparked pure anxiety, and I’m sure it won’t be the last (can’t wait until you have to deal with me when my wedding is approaching), but it’s highly inconvenient. With everything going on in my life right now (well, mostly everything) you think I’d be the most excited 20-something on the planet. And I am excited, don’t get me wrong. But I just can’t shake this impending sense of doom. Maybe I’m scared that I’m seeing another 40+ years of working 5 days a week ahead of me, or maybe I’m scared that I’m not taking full advantage of my summer months (but does it really matter though?) either way, the panic has been real.

I’ve done a pretty good job of talking myself off the ledge, though. I’m trying to really embrace the little things and enjoy them fully, because even though I have like 2 friends in this state and maybe 4 friends total (I’m being generous) I’ve got good friends and that’s all that really matters.

I’m hoping this impending sense of doom will go away in a couple days. Fuck it, I’ll even take a couple months, as long as it goes away. If it doesn’t, you might find me working on a farm or some shit in Europe sooner than originally anticipated.

I’m not insane, I swear.

All my loving,

The Basic One

 

Anyway…

by Jamie Rice

Dear Karine,

Well, we’ve really done it now. At the point in our lives that we are the farthest way from each other, we have decided to do such eventful and interesting things that we are not blogging to each other about our lives or emotional states.

Well, all I’ve got to say to that is that my life has become boring again, so you better get ready for me to start chewing your ear off about my life and emotional state. I hope you’re ready because I’m kind of a mess nowadays. Just saying you should strap in or whatever.

To Begin

I think I am beginning to have a major freak out about moving to California, and it isn’t because I don’t think I’ll like it. It’s because for most of my life, I always dreamed of being in NYC for a lot of reasons. Ironically, I think my love of film and TV shows, and their subsequent love of New York, is the number one reason, but the second reason has always been this weird fantasy I had where all of my friends would live there too. We would all laugh and eat and live awesome lives.

Fast forward to today. I am fresh off of an extremely fun trip to both New York and Philadelphia where I got super close to all of my ComicsVerse co-workers, so close that I am going to have to talk about a few of them later in the love section of this post, and I got to hang out with you for lots of small and awesome bursts of time. You are living there. Avalon is living there. Rachel is trying to live there, and everyone that I like from ComicsVerse also lives there–and they’re all gonna go see Marco’s band perform without me in two weeks! My weird fantasy has come true, but there is a hitch. I’m not fucking there.

Of course, there is always a possibility that I could move there after law school or that I just drop everything and move there. Who the fuck knows frankly, but it’s one of those weird things where I know exactly where everyone I love is and I don’t know how to justify getting to them. It’s kind of like how you felt with everyone down at Elon after you graduated BUT we’re out of college making this all feel more intense and upsetting than I want it to feel at all.

I’m sure the feeling will fade, and I’ll make money so I can take the redeye and people will take the redeye to me too, but it just feels sad and distant. And right now, I don’t like it.

It also doesn’t help that, of course, I love my parents, and I actually do have a weird love for Tulsa (Trust me, you don’t google the fact that Tulsa is the 46th biggest city in the USA if you don’t have some real intense deep down weird love), but I have always felt like my life was so much bigger than Oklahoma. The things that I love and care about have always been created in or centered around NYC and then LA. So, weirdly, even though I am basically moving to one of those cities, it still feels like I am once again getting stuck in a place that isn’t where I want to be.

Hopefully, getting all of these feels out to you via the blog will help, but right now, I gotta admit that I’m still kinda hurting.

Add a humorous sad gif to lighten the mood!

And to End

Aside from the slight emotional pain that I just described to you, I am also going through a weird time romantically for a couple of reasons. First of all, I watched this movie today, I know you’re rolling your eyes, and it was all about this awesome independent woman played by Carey Mulligan, aka Daisy from The Great Gatsby, and she turns down all of these good suitors and marries this asshole soldier because he is sexy and tells her she is pretty–I promise you I am not simplifying as much as you might think. Of course, my mother, attempting to make a joke, is like, “I can’t believe she would fall for the whole ‘I’m pretty’ thing.”

Well, that was a bit awkward for me since after that scene I realized that the entire scenario reminded me a lot of my YG experience. I was a strong independent woman that never really got, recently at least, that level of unabashed physical worship, and I couldn’t say no. Basically, it just made me feel some type of way, and it was a really good movie that I think you would love. Definitely watch Far From the Madding Crowd.

Okay, aside from that romantic film recommendation, I am also just feeling a general level of loneliness. It is very natural, especially considering how long it has been since my last romantic endeavor, but what is weird is that I have never really been one to have a rebound or anything like that, and I think I kind of have one right now in one of my coworkers. He’s kind of in the same sad lonely place, and we just talk to each other. I feel like we do something different from that. (God, I am cringing as I say this) It’s weird, but it’s kind of like we just need someone to listen to us. (Fuck, this is embarrassing. I can feel you over there being like, “Jamie is in loooooove.” Well, I tell you right now that I deny it.)  It’s kind of similar to what Matt and I used to do when we would talk to each other, but the thing is that Matt is a total fucking ass. An ass who I think is a friend to me now but still an asshole. And that doesn’t really make for good healing. It’s nice tough love, but it doesn’t give comfort.

And as you can tell from my above words, that is clearly also giving me conflict. I know like all things, that these feelings will pass, but they are feelings that I have nonetheless.

Anyway, mama. I love and miss you lots. Let me know if you’re still trying to come visit me this summer, and if/when you would like me to try and come visit you on the Upper East Side, and I will try my hardest to make it happen.

All the love in this crazy silly world,

James

xoxoxo

Damn Near Perfect

by karinaaax03

Dear James,

Well, well, well, look who forgot their Friday post (not me this time, woohoo!). I suppose we’re even now, though to be honest I’ve completely lost track of how many times we’ve each fucked up and have mentally combined our mutual fucking up into one category.

I thought about being a bad girl and skipping my blog post today but I figured since I haven’t really heard from you much in the past week I should do my good friend duty and write to you about my life.

I would love to put some sort of disclaimer on this post before I go into detail about my life’s recent events, but frankly I don’t know what type of disclaimer to put. So far, I’m debating between: “you might vomit,” “I’m still happy,” and “Sorry I’m salty.” Maybe this problem is less about disclaimers and more about my inability to decipher one emotion from another…

The best/most exciting day since my last post (and frankly in quite a while) was Saturday, when “you know who” (curse my inability to come up with nickname) and I had an early birthday celebration. We spent 12+ hours together (hold your sassy comments/gag reflex) and went down to the shore and visited his favorite place and went to the aquarium (apparently this is becoming a theme for us) and ate delicious food and just generally fucked around.

Now I know you probably don’t enjoy hearing about it as much as I enjoy talking about it, but the reason I am telling you this story is to set up the sole awkward moment of the day. It was one tiny, fleeting moment that “you know who” probably doesn’t even remember, but I felt it dude, and it felt awkward.

Basically, we were at the casino walking around and exploring and he’s being very affectionate  (*cue high-pitched “omg I think he likes me”*) so he’s hugging me in the middle of a store (I’m pondering what they spiked his beer with, jk jk) and I’m pretty sure I made a joke to which he replies (mid hug) “Awww c’mon, you love me.”

My internal reaction.

I think he felt the tension run through my body because it took maybe a nanosecond for him to say, “Well you like me,” to which I replied something along the lines of, “Yeah there you go, I really like you.”

Yikes.

I understand nothing about the context of this gif except that it perfectly explains my range of emotions in that moment.

But in all seriousness, it was a damn perfect day, and I don’t throw the word perfect around too often.

In other news, I SIGNED A LEASE. I am officially going to be a resident of NYC, and I’m stupid excited about it.

Well, it’s past my bedtime (it’s 10:14 p.m.) so I’ll stop torturing you with my general joy and overuse of parenthesis.

All my loving,

The Basic One

God Bless the Broken Road

by karinaaax03

Dear James,

I’m a literal piece of poop on the ground because I KEEP forgetting to blog like a giant loser.

Okay, now that I’m done berating myself, let’s get on with this post.

I know I sounded obscenely happy in my last post, so I’ll try and tone it down a notch but honestly I really have nothing to complain about. Sure, not everything has gone swimmingly every day for the past however long it’s been, but fuck, I’m doing so much better now that the sun is out and you’re little flower (me) is out of that goddamn cute. Maybe I should get checked for seasonal depression?

To add a quick bummer to this post, some motherfucker rear ended my car the other night. My dad was picking me up from the train station and I was talking in my super fast excited voice about this nice apartment we saw (please don’t jynx me world) and then CRASH! Right into my damn bumper. I was tired, I had to pee, and I was pissed that this drivers incompetence ruined my high. The small saving grace was A. That he didn’t try to run away and B. That he’d just gotten his car 3 weeks ago. I’m a terrible person but it’s low key funny right?

See, not even a minor accident can bring me down (this is slightly alarming)!

Despite a slight lack of support (my dads real worried) I’m very excited about my apartment hunt and just getting out there and really living life in general. I mean, I’m going to be even more of a peasant than I was before, but fuck it. You live and you learn is my new motto and to anyone who thinks I’m fucking myself by leaving home and taking on rent bills, I say: Fuck off.

This summer is gonna be YUUUGEEE (idk why I made that reference). I’m finally feeling like I’m actually on a roller coaster that only goes up.

God bless the broken road.

Peace and blessings,

The Basic One

Girl, You Bad

by Jamie Rice

Dear Karine,

Girl, you so bad. You need to be punished, and I have just the thing…

There you go. Consider yourself punished. You fucking disgust me.

Sorry not sorry

Anyway, I got insanely wasted on the first night of my visit with my boss per usual. It’s good to know that I will probably never truly change. Occasionally, I worry that I am going to get liver cancer from all of this heavy drinking, but that’s a future problem, and I live in the fucking moment.

I’m getting excited to go to Philadelphia Con, and it seems like it’s going to be a fairly low-key con in terms of work since there aren’t a lot of famous creators there. However, I’ll tell you the names of some people who will be there!

WE GOT:

 

 

Chris Evans

Chris Hemsworth

and Stephen Amell aka the Arrow

So maybe I’ll get to cream my jeans over some hot men, yeah? Pray that I get to do that Karine. Pray for me.

Oh do you wanna hear a great story about last night?

…

I assume you said yes. So there is this kid that I work with named Matt, and for one drunk second, I kinda wanted to get with him (Thank you, alcohol). So I like started laying the groundwork, and then the moment of truth came and he was staring awkardly at me and I like didn’t know what to do. So I just like looked at him and went “You really need to figure out that issue you were having with your friend we were talking about earlier,” and I just walked away. Thankfully, I don’t think anyone remembers that though because when we all woke up this morning he was like, “The only thing I remember from last night is that I got in a fight with a Japanese man.” (By the way, that is a 100% true, and when they started fighting I heard Matt scream at this man, “IS IT CAUSE I’M WHITE?” Truly beautiful)

Basically, don’t worry about me. I’m still the captain of the struggle bus. Would you like a ride, mi lady?

James

xoxoxxoxo

Hello (From the Outside)

by Jamie Rice

Dear Karine,

So you have just completed your first week of work, and I have completed my first week of post-grad life. In spite of the fact that I seem to have literally no responsibilities, I have managed to keep myself busy every minute of every day with unpacking and other stupid shenanigans.

It is quite odd to no longer be an undergrad frankly. It’s kind of like I’m my allowed to be a stupid young adult and have suddenly become a real adult. I had a major argument with my parents about moving to California today (Who’s surprised?) and it was weird cause it ended on the note that I am in charge of my life and will be for the rest of my life. A part of my is like:

And another part of me is like:

I mean this has been what I have always been dreaming about, but at the same time it’s terrifying that I am completely on my own. This is it, dude. Everyone expects me to be an adult. And I frankly couldn’t be more psyched, but there is this small part of my brain that is like *whispers you’re a failure. And I feel it everyday, but, well, you know what they say: fake it til you make it.

All the best,

James

P.S. TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOUR JOB

P.P.S. Brenda is bragging about your job to Marijane. It’s as amazing as it sounds.

P.P.P.S I wrote this at a fucking softball game. If that ain’t devotion to blogging, then I don’t know what fucking is.

P.P.P.P.S By the way, figuring out how to do the gifs on my phone was not fucking easy. As Beyonce once said, bow down bitches. Also people at this game are insane. More updates to come.

Views

by karinaaax03

Dear James,

Talk about a couple of slackers. We’ve seriously been fucking up this blog schedule, but now that we’re apart once again and settled in our respective areas, I think we should be headed back to our normal schedule.

I have many, many things to update you on!

First, I’d like to touch on my visit to Elon/graduation because, well, I haven’t felt that many different emotions in a while. As I’ve said many times in the past, Elon is kind of my calm zone, so it was nice to be back in that zone for a while. But once graduation rolled around I started feeling all the feels. I drunkenly cried in you-know-whos arms for literally no reason other than I felt all the unidentifiable emotions at once. Then, as you know, on graduation day I cried like a fucking baby at the card you gave me (I’m still mad about that).

Overall, though, the time I spend at Elon was great and I wouldn’t have changed a minute of it. Our graduation day was a blast (shoutout to the flasks of champagne we brought to the ceremony) and having everyone around eating and drinking was so nice.

Now that I’m done with that sappy shit, here comes the cool stuff!

My supervisor sent me this gif on my first day

So, I started my new job on Monday and I know it’s a little early to tell, but it’s pretty dope. I’d venture to say just about anything would be better than the miserable existence I was leading before, but this is worlds better.

I headed for HQ early Monday morning for orientation and got a tour around the gorgeous office (including the Huff Post news room, AHH!) complete with relaxation/meditation rooms, a gym, food, and all sorts of other things. Unfortunately for me, I’m not working in the office. Womp womp.

Luckily, though, the office I am working in has a rooftop for me to scoot my little butt to whenever I need some sun and work under the scorching heat of my favorite star. That is exactly what I did this morning, along with the rest of my team, and it was lovely. Shit, I’d spend all day up there if I could without my skin shriveling up into a bright-red foreign substance.

Views.

 

On top of this huge perk, everyone’s I’ve met has been so welcoming, friendly, and willing to help. Today, I left my ring in the bathroom like a total idiot and someone brought it to the office manager instead of pocketing it. I’m truly amazed.

In all seriousness, I’ve been happier the past few days than I’ve been in this state in a long, long time. My grand plan is to just keep being exceeding grateful for the amazing things that are happening in my life and to keep the over-analyzing to a minimum. Seems like a recipe for success, right?

All my loving,

The Basic One

GRADUATION DAY: No Survivors

by Jamie Rice

Dear Karine,

Holy Fucking Shit. It’s happening. Like it’s done. It’s fucking done. GRADUATION IS HERE!

Us at graduation tomorrow

So I’m gonna get real sad on you for a second, but hopefully, I’m gonna bring it all back around into happy land before the end of this post. Hopefully. (But then again… if I don’t I’ll just start crying and then you’ll comfort me because you’re literally sitting right fucking in front of me #thanksforthat)

Anyway, I was thinking a few seconds ago (literally I am not even kidding) that our main connection has always been Elon. Like… even when you left to go to NYC, you were always coming back to Elon. It’s shitty to say in a lot of ways, but this was kind of our place. And now we are leaving the place. We are not ever really gonna come back (unless you convince me to come back for Homecoming, which I am sure you will cause you’re known and I’m known–descriptive sentences are fun, am I right?) This is sad information frankly because it means that our lives are about to change. I mean, fuck, I’m changing fucking coasts, and that is terrifying. We will be more physically apart than ever.

HOWEVER, (this is the part where I try to save the sadness) all of these facts only make the connections we are going to make in the future all the more fun. We grew in this time here (even though it sometimes feels like we just kept going through the same shenanigans with the same idiots), and we did that together. I mean, I am terrified for the future, but you know what else I am? Fucking psyched. Cause here’s the thing Karina. You are a baller with an amazing personality and vibe. You are patient (I mean you’re my BFF, which ain’t easy). You are funny, and you are (frankly) so much better than most people… and I’m kinda lit too. We’re gonna be fine (you’re especially gonna be fine) and we will continue to live our lives together (bicoastal vibes)

Congratulations on your graduation, Karine. You deserve a drink (or five).

All my loving,

James

xoxoxo

P.S. I accidentally published this initially on my Elon Writing Center blog from my Multimedia class with YG #blessed

CHOP IT CHOP IT CHOP IT CHOP IT, Sipping Sake.

by Jamie Rice

Dear Karine,

Of course, I forgot to write my blog post to you because your salty ass has been living in my butthole for the last few days. So while I might still be awaiting the punishment for 2, count them 2, fucking blog posts, I am also going to attempt to update you on my emotional state!

Anyway, I think I’m generally fine. I, as you know, have been having a hard time keeping myself from reflecting on my short-lived winter fling. Basically, at all moments, I just have to try and convince myself that one day I will meet a man who doesn’t treat me like his manic pixie dream girl, but until then…

#me

Otherwise, I am completely over the moon about the fact that I finally get to leave North Carolina and never look back. It isn’t necessarily a bad state, although that HB2 shit is fucked up, but I am definitely ready to move to CA (even though I also know that nothing there will be perfect either). Sometimes, you just gotta believe that the grass will be greener on the other side and move resolutely forward.

In other news, I have been getting beyond lit for the fact that we basically just get ot have fun and be drunk for the next few days, and I have been thinking about different fun ways to do it. Currently, I got:

By the pool:

In the home:

And in public:

The same level of embarrassment as normal

And after that stunt you pulled at dinner, I just want you to know that you better get ready because my embarssment of you will come when you least expect it…

All the love in the world,

James

xoxoxo

P.S. You’re a butthoole

P.P.S. Pray for our livers

P.P.P.S.

cheers

The Salt Queen

by karinaaax03

Dear James,

Once again, you’ve missed your Friday blog post…the #disappointment is real. I’ll forgive you while I come up with an appropriate punishment. In the meantime, I will give a solid attempt on updating you on the life I’ve been living primarily in your presence since my last post.

If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been hardcore into a pretty salty, very “fuck it” mentality lately and I think I’m liking it. I think previously I’ve been a little too sugary, too passive and willing to accept stupidity in an effort to be sweet and positive. But as you know, deep down I’m a sassy, salty weirdo and I’m back at it again.

I had a brief moment where I remembered the phrase “you catch more bees with honey than with vinegar,” and to that I say, shut up. Who wants bees that close to them anyways? No one (besides maybe a beekeeper). Would you be happier surrounded by bees with the constant threat of being stung or in a safe, slightly vinegar-y state with the guarantee that no bee will sting you? As you probably guessed, I’ll stick with my vinegar if it means not get burned. #iceicebaby

Besides my innate desire to be salty as fuck, it sure seems to me that I’m catching more bees with this attitude, if you catch my drift.

As far as life goes, I’m deeply enjoying being at Elon (as usual) and I’m slightly concerned that my alcohol tolerance is going to go through the roof considering we’ve drank at least a little bit literally every day since I got here last Tuesday. But in accordance with my new mentality: fuck it. We made it through the shit show they call college with just a few more bumps and bruises than we came with, and that’s worth celebrating if you ask me.

Peace and blessings,

The Basic One